On the move

Well it’s getting closer to the time for me to move out of home. Stacey and I have found a couple of houses we like, so it’s all coming together nicely. It’s quite daunting looking at how much it will cost. I’ve still got to purchase a new washing machine. Got me a vacuum cleaner, its all pretty and quick arse! I’m more picking about where we live than Stacey. For example I want a pretty kitchen and bathroom, but I am making a few compromises. I’ve also reeled Stacey into the “ohhhhh pretty things, I want it!” trap now, yay lol.

Well I need to stop having quality sitting time and go get ready for work. I will go use my weird face mud and some good ol’ exfoliating! So bye bye.

Hair straightening 101

Why hello there! This would appear to be my first hair styling tip for my blog. It is a simple process, but one many fail miserably at. Many people believe they are doing it correctly with basic tools and products, but your not!! Your results are so much better with quality products. So to start, you will need the following:

- A flat iron hair straightener. If possible get one that includes ion’s and ceramic floating plates. Avoid Remington at all costs. I recommend the GHD Styler (valued at approximately $349).
- Ionic hair dryer. Ensure the dryer is ionic, this helps prevent frizz and damage. If possible look for a salon style Parlux hair dryer.
- Ionic hair brush.
- A comb.
- Nutrition enriched or anti-breakage shampoo and conditioner (I recommend the Kerastase range).
- Deep conditioning treatment. (I recommend the Kerastase or Schwartzkopf Professional range from salons).
- Thermal protectant spray or cream.
- Finishing serum.

Right so on with how to do all this.
1. Ensure hair is washed. Believe me, without this crucial step hair can be straggly and look greasy and very unclean. Shampoo and condition with a product such as Kerastase Bain Satin. At least twice a week use a deep conditioning treatment and leave in for at least 10 minutes. This aids in preventing damage to the hair and will stop it from becoming overly dry. When washing, use a small amount but lather the product further. Ensure you massage scalp to give roots volume. Rinse shampoo and conditioner thoroughly. Towel dry.
2. Immediately after washing, use thermal protector. Either spray all over or distribute cream. I recommend Loreal Professionnel Techni.art Hot Style Finish. Do not use brush’s or comb’s until hair cuticles are dry.
3. Blow dry all over in fast vigorous movements. Do not use a brush or comb to distribute heat. Use your hands. Ensure hair is fully dry. To ensure hair is completely dry use a distributor cap on the end of hair dryer and go over your hair in sections.
4. Apply further thermal protector. Use less this time, as you do not want your hair to be damp for the hot irons. Before using the irons ensure hair is 100% dry. If not quickly blow dry all over.
5. Brush your hair to remove any tangling.
6. Start the straightening process by doing the bottom layers. To do this, start at the back. Separate your hair near the nape of neck, and using sectioning clips move any unwanted hair to the top of the head. You should now be able to access the bottom layers.
7. Bring the hot iron near the root (be careful not to burn yourself), and in approximately small 5cm sections bring the iron down the hair towards the end. If desired, slightly twist the hot iron to create a flick effect at the ends.
8. Repeat this process until all bottom layers are done.
9. Now you can repeat this process to complete the upper layer. Use sectioning slips to aid.
10. When straightening the fringe, I recommend moving the hot iron in the direction you wish your hair to fall. I recommend you ensure your fringe/bangs frame your face. If your hair does not move in a particular direction with ease, try another direction. Not only will it be easier to move, but it will sit better throughout the day.
11. Always remember to check the hair close to the roots. Ensure there are no ridges. If there are you need to place the hot iron closer to the root. By leaving ridges, it makes it obvious you straighten your hair.
12. Finish the process of by applying a small amount of serum (I recommend the Kerastase Nutritive range). Do not apply too much, especially around the roots as it will build up and appear greasy.
13. Apply hairspray all over. I recommend the Schwartzkopf Professional Super Hold Laquer). You will only need a small amount. As soon as you apply use your hands (do not use a tissue as this will suck up the hairspray), lightly pat down your hair, especially around the roots. This will aid in preventing frizz and fly-aways.

Always remember:
- Shampoo and condition daily.
- Deep condition at least twice weekly.
- Always, always, always use thermal protector.
- You cannot see the back of your head, so ensure you have completely straightened every section.
- Do not leave ridges.

Ensure you use quality shampoo, conditioner, deep condition and thermal protector. This is crucial to help stop your hair drying out and looking like crap! By following these steps you will be able to produce a very hot hair style (no pun intended). As in example, here is Stacey fresh from a good straightening:

Isn’t she pretty!!!
Have any questions/comments? Feel free to comment!

She looks like a scrotum

Have you ever noticed that the title of a blog, or a page or of anything is quite handy. It catches people’s attention, especially when it contains the word scrotum. Scrotum truly is a disgusting word and rightfully so, it belongs to a disgusting thing. Yes I do have a point to my scrotum comments here. I’m using the scrotum as a metaphor for a lovely woman at work. Incase the old bag uses the internet I shall name her Dragon.

Dragon looks like the scrotum. She is ugly. She has many wrinkles. She is always in the way. She hangs around like an annoying ball-bag. She rightfully belongs in the penis and arsehole area, for the simple reason she is an arsehole and possibly has a penis. Dragon is so frustrating. I am attempting to do work, and most times I do, and I am flat out. As is my co-workers. But as soon as we stop for two seconds to have a chat or something, she drops in like a teenage boys scrotum does. And then she stands a yells, moans and bitches that our department do no work and gives us a good telling off. Little does she know I am picturing her as a scrotum with little legs and glasses, at the same time as I key her car. I’m simply quite awful. As you may be able to tell, work today was not very enjoyable.

Moving right along. I have a new look here on my blog. I am liking it. It’s clean, fresh and sophisticated don’t you agree? Too bad if you don’t really.

Me and Stacey are planning on a trip to Wellington. Mainly to shop. There is not much shopping you can do here in Palmy. Bring on Paris Texas, Lush, Cuba Street, Lambton Quay and Queensgate, yeah bring it on! Not sure when we are going. Some financial backing would probably help lol.

Right well I have said enough for one evening. Plus I am tired and require sleep. Good old sleep. I shall not be getting up until about 1pm tomorrow, so good.

Anyhow, have a lovely evening. By the way if you see Dragon, be sure to give her a good squeeze, scrotum’s don’t like that .

Limp like an old man’s…

I have had a bad hair day, thus I was not in a good mood. After having it re-coloured, because blue highlights were apparently a breach of my employment contract and was considered offensive and unnatural (is this in comparison to the staff with bright red highlights or the other staff member with a different colour every second day? Discrimination I tell ya!) my hair has now gone like, well dead. The hairdresser said it will take a few goes to get my hair all one colour again, because the blonde base used for the blue will keep showing through. Now this wouldn’t have happened if I waited for the blue to fade out, which would have only taken 4 weeks. So I wake up and straighten my hair this morning and do the tips, and guess what? Little blonde bits are showing up and my hair went all limp like an old mans willie! I just about cried right there! So back off to the hairdresser again to fix my hair. So depressing. Anyways, I thought I would include a picture today. This is my dog Butch. In the car. Without any instruction to do so. I had the car in the garage to fix the stereo, the doors were open so naturally Butch think’s it’s so I can take him to the river. He really is quite smart in a dumb sort of way. OK WordPress can suck my balls. How the hell do you make a photo smaller? I assume you have to do it before you upload it, oh well cannot be bothered now I shall fix it tomorow.

WORDPRESS SUCK MY BALLS

OH MY FUCKING GOD! Right. WordPress can suck my balls. I had a big kick arse post, picture and hair tips, the whole shabang right here and now voila it’s gone! I’m so tempted to go bag to Blogger or whatever it was called, it was so much easier and always worked the way I wanted it. Homo machine. Night.

You! And You! Oi! And You Over There! Listen.

Well I am pleased that got your attention. Now that everyone is listening, you must all go see Hairspray. You simply must go, its really quite super. I can’t believe I just said it is super. Interesting.

Anyway. Stacey and I went to see it this evening. It is really good. I was so close to getting up and dancing along with all the great music! Lol.

I got myself some weird clay mask thing today. It is so strange, you cannot move your face and it’s all like stiff (Stacey, mind out of the gutter my luv) and weird. But it left my skin so smooth and nice-like. It was only like $14 from Woolworths. Pretty good aye.

Anyhow my washing is now done so I shall go hang that out and go get my beauty sleep. So byesie bye youngin’s, and remember what I said go see Hairspray (I recommend with a bottle of vodka to prevent embarassment from dancing in the movie theatre).

My third Nana is a bitch.

OK. Before I start this post, let me clarify my grandmothers. I have about four. My two normal grandmothers (one is no longer with us but anyway), then my step-mother’s mother, and then my Fayness. I prefer to class my Fay as my third, because she is nicer than the other ones. However, I prefer to call her Aunty, because she is more youthful than a Nana, even though she is technically a Nana. However, we then have a slight issue, as there is a bitch of a manager at work that some staff call Aunty. Quite the predicament. Perhaps we shall just stick with Fay. Her name. Makes logical sense really? So to clarify, we are talking about Fay, the third, or second, or one of my nana’s or aunties anyway. 

Right, so on the with the show. Nana is a bitch lol. No no no, I do not mean that in a mean way, I mean it in the nicest possible way. We went drinking with her. And by drinking, I mean my intake of alcohol exceeded what I normally would put away. I cannot recall most of the evening. I do remember dancing with Fay anyway. That was interesting to say the least. Was a really good evening, very drunk and loaded with a lot of alcohol. Anyway I am going to blame Fay, because I can. Mind you, she did attempt to stop my drinking, but never mind.

Now it is time to talk about a couple of things. JILLY-POO’S (no not in reference to my step-mother, but a new Jilly-Poos), is a BITCH. Honestly, you meet this woman once, and you never want to see her round annoying voiced face again. And secondly, Fi Fi is a dog. Yes it is a dog name, but she is a human dog as Stacey says over on her blog. She is a bitch. All night she was saying to Stacey and I that we were embarassing ourselves. OK. Yes in normal sober conditions we probably were, however with my alcohol levels, we honestly did not care, lol. 

The next day was hell. We finished drinking at around 4am, work at 8am. So take away my lack of sleep, throwing up time, and shower time. That is around 30 minutes sleep. 30 MINUTES SLEEP! Do you know how much I require to function? At least 10 hours sleep, honestly, 30 minutes!?!? Work was so not an option. I went and I don’t think management were impressed. Oh well, they can suck on my va-jay-jay. 

Change of subject. I got my hair done last week. I have blue highlights, which now thanks to Kmart management need’s to be removed. So I’m replacing the two highlighted patches with blonde. I spent approximately $500 at Rodney Wayne last week. That did include my hair, Stacey’s hair, and my beloved Kerastase products. Hmm Kerastase, where would I be without you? Honestly – have you ever experienced a Kerastase hair ritual in the salon, then use the product’s at home – it’s almost better than sex. Yes it really is. Follow this with Loreal Professionnel heat protectant, and a good ol’ straightening with GHD’s. Add in some Redken, and voila! Hot hair right there. 

I am addicted to hair. I love hair and the products. I am always questioning others hair and suggesting what they should do – mocking is almost the operative word. No, I will never be a hairdresser, but meh. I am thinking of adding hair-styling and treatment tips to my blog, what do you think? At the moment Stacey is about my only reader, so I don’t need tips on here for her, because I’ll tell her outright and fix her hair if it is all wrong lol. 

It is coming to a time when I need to move out of my parents home. I cannot wait. Freedom is so close, I can see the light! 

Well, I must be off, as I am running out of thing’s to write. Do tell me what you think of m hair idea, comments always appreciated.