Today when I woke up I had a thought that I had to take into careful consideration. There is not many things I will seriously sit and ponder about, but this was one. It was strange considering it was 6am. This is a time of the day when thinking or pondering about what I am going to wear that day is confusing, let-alone a serious thought that required attention and serious consideration. As I sat drinking my coffee with a hint of Bailey’s (no I am not an alcoholic, I just thought I’d try my coffee with a touch of Irish, after this experience, alcoholism is looking pretty damn fine!), I was thinking about my life. I seem to have developed a weekly routine or schedule. There is no fun. No adventure. No difference. No excitement in my weeks.
Every week appears to be the same:
Monday: Get up. Supposed to go to UCOL. Gym.
Tuesday: Get up. Supposed to go to UCOL. Gym.
Wednesday: Get up. Supposed to go to UCOL. Gym.
Thursday: Get up. Do any cleaning. Sitting time. Work.
Friday: Get up. Work.
Saturday: Get up. Work.
Sunday: Get up. Work.
And then it all starts again. It is the same every week. Although the lack of attendance to UCOL has changed my weekly schedule somewhat, there is not much difference in what I will do. I admit, I love my life. I have great friends, I have my Stacey, I like the people I work with (well most of them), most of the times my family are caring and always there. What bothers me here is where is my life going? At the moment I see no future. Yes I want to accomplish many things, to be successful, earn money and lead a great life. I want to own my own business. But all of these things to me just seem like possessions. I am not sure how I can explain it. But I need something to fulfill my life, to complete it. No I am not referring to my love life. I do not believe you need a secondary person to complete your life. Only I can complete my life. But how?
This may seem like jargon, but as I was sipping away on my alcohol infused espresso, I thought of a few ways as to how I may be able to accomplish this.
Firstly, I am going to finish my study. This way it closes a chapter in my life. A chapter I have not overly enjoyed. It will be the first successful thing I have achieved. Secondly, I want to travel. Go everywhere. See places and their interesting histories. Go to every corner of the world. Thirdly, I want to understand the concepts of life. Religion, for one. I am not a great believer. But I am looking for something that I can believe in. And lastly, I need to achieve inner peace. This sounds like something from the book of Stacey Zen, but it’s a chapter I am going to open. A part of my life I am going to look into. I’ve yet to decide how to do this, but I shall ponder that thought.
See what I mean by difficult thinking at 6am. It’s difficult at 3pm, my god I must have had too much Bailey’s in my coffee.
